


you were the stars

by mxnqle



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Implied/Referenced Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:29:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25424665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mxnqle/pseuds/mxnqle
Summary: yamaguchi was the stars, beautiful and bright. maybe if he knew that things wouldn’t have turned out the way they did.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 3
Kudos: 30





	you were the stars

_ tadashi, _

_ you're never going to see this, i know that. i just feel as if i've left so many things unsaid. there's so many things i wanted to tell you that i never got the chance to. who would've thought that this is how things would end up. since the day i met you, you've always been the brightest thing in my world. you were the sun, always there to make things better. you know, the sun is the only reason that the moon shines the way it does. that’s what you did for me. you brought the good out of me. you were my sun. the brightest, warmest, happiest  _ _ thing in my life. it was strange, really. you had to deal with so much, yet you always seemed happy. the biggest smile on you as tears ran down your face because the kids at school kept making fun of your freckles. your beautiful freckles. it’s always been my favorite thing about you, no matter how much you hated them. it was always so pathetic of them. i never understood how they could be so mean to someone like you. you were beautiful in every way. the way your eyes would light up when you got a compliment. how your freckles stood out when you blushed. how you'd tug on your sleeves when you got nervous. the excitement that could be spotted from miles away whenever you scored a point for the team. everything about you. you could always remember peoples favorite foods. you’d always get your friends the best gifts for their birthdays. i never told you this but you gave the best hugs. i loved when you'd sleep over and attach onto me in your sleep. it always made me feel like i was at home. you were my home, you always will be. it always embarrassed me to say these things aloud but now i wish i had. all these great things about you. you were perfect, the sun of my world. it turns out you were actually the stars. still bright as ever and beautiful. your freckles reminded me of the stars, maybe that’s why i love space so much. i could spend the rest of my life staring at the stars like nothing else in the world mattered and that's how i felt about you. you were so, so beautiful. but just like the stars you were surrounded by complete darkness, and all by yourself. or so you thought. you seemed so happy but you weren't. i just wish i would have noticed. god, if only i had noticed. things would have been different. so much different. if i noticed i could be telling you all these things in person. but i can't do that now, i really wish i had. i wish i had been able to get myself to tell you sooner. maybe if i had told you than you'd still be here. fuck, tadashi. why did you have to leave me? i miss you so much, everyday i miss you. do you know how hard it was? to go to your bestfriends house to hang out like any other day. but he doesn't answer the door. whatever though, maybe he hadn't heard me, right? i'll just use the spare key. do you know how hard it was to walk up those stairs and see the bathroom door slightly open with the light on but your house is dead silent? the last thing i wanted to see when i pushed the door open was my bestfriend, the love of my life, on the floor accompanied by two empty bottles of pills. that image of you, on the floor, just gone. i can't get it out of my head. i replay it in my mind everyday, as much as i wish i didn’t. that's not the last memory of you i wanted. your bright smile wasn't there, your freckles seemed less vibrant, your eyes were dull. i think about it every fucking day. do you know how hard that is? of course you don't. but, i'm not mad at you. i'm mad at myself. i'm mad at myself for not knowing. i wish i could have done something. what confused me the most is that you didn’t leave a letter. i never got an explanation, no one did. what went so wrong? what went so wrong that i couldn't even notice. i miss you, i know i've said that, but i do. i miss you constantly saying that stupid nickname you gave me. i miss you getting super excited whenever you talked about something that made you happy. i miss the way you'd smile when i hugged you on the rare occasion. i miss everything about you. you know, i still have that picture you took of us at the museum. you loved it so much but i thought it was kind of stupid. i don’t think that anymore, it's my lockscreen. you look so happy in it and i miss seeing that version of you. i miss seeing how lively you were instead of this bland tombstone that doesn't reflect you at all. i hate that this is the closest i can get to being with you. i hate that i can't touch your freckles anymore. i hate that i can't hear your voice in person. i hate that you aren't here. tadashi, why'd you have so do this? i wish you knew how much it was going to hurt me, hurt the team, your mom. maybe than you would've stayed. it's gonna be hard finding another amazing pinch server like you. if i'm being honest i don't think we can at all. you're impossible to replace. i wish you would have known that. things are never going to be the same. i miss you so fucking much, tadashi. _

kei folded the paper closed, his hands shaking. he looked up towards the tombstone in front of him. "tadash-" he wasn't able to finish saying his name before a sob escaped his mouth. ‘how pathetic of me’ he thought. ‘you can't even say his name.’ he took another moment to compose himself. "tadashi, i love you so much. why’d you have to leave me?” kei was so quite saying it that he barely heard himself. the phantom weight of something on his shoulders was enough to let another sob out, louder this time. tadashi was there, he may not have been able to see him but he knew. kei steadied his breath once again, still not able to stop the tears flowing down his face. “i wish you were still here. i want to hold you one last time," he whispered before getting up and walking the other direction. 

**Author's Note:**

> ahh sorry for killing him lmao. this is kinda my first fic/oneshot i guess??? i’m sorry for any mistakes, i re-read it like 10 times but i might have missed some stuff??? but yeah i’m kinda proud of it so i hope you guys like it!! anyways, if you want go follow my tumblr @mxnqled :)


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